Tuesday, May 22

{thoughts on loved ones}

All of this wedding planning over the past few weeks has led me to spending a whole lot of time thinking about those that I love. Martin, our families, our college friends, our high school friends, my camp friends, my grad school friends, our grown-up friends, and everyone else that could possibly fall into this spectrum. I think about each of them when envisioning what I want for our wedding, because all of the delicious food, great music, and beautiful flowers in the world wouldn't mean a thing to me if our loved ones left the reception without knowing how much each of them mean to us. 

Mart and I are blessed beyond belief with an incredible group of friends, stretching from freshman year friends that have turned into our support system, to sophomore frat boys that have quickly changed from Mart's job to Mart's friends, to 9 girls that I met less than a year ago but have been my rock, to those that have been there for everything since kindergarten. Each and everyone has shaped my life in their own way. But even when I think about the ones that are most important to me, I sometimes question how well I communicate it. 

I am aware of and openly admit that I am not a great communicator. I was raised in the country. I did not have the chance to 'run to a friend's house' every afternoon after school. I wasn't 'connected' unless I really wanted to be. This was all before the birth of cell phones and text messaging and Twitter and Facebook, of course, but I can still feel the force of those days. I enjoy, too much I suppose, disconnecting from the world and diving into a good book. I love my twenty minute drive to and from school without the radio or Ipod. 

But in each and every passing month, my friends continue to spread out. To Atlanta, to Memphis, to Jackson, to Washington D.C., to Oxford, to Chattanooga. I am all too guilty of not making the effort often enough. I am so very grateful that I do have friends that are better than me. And that love me anyway. But still, Kels, come on. You've gotta do better. 

Much too often lately, I've caught myself analyzing what others think about me. What they think about my reaction to this, what they think about the way I respond to that, and how they might have interpreted what I meant when I said this. But really, why does it matter? 

My prayer lately has not been 'to be a better friend' or 'to be less self-conscious' but to love with all my heart. Love better. Love often. That's really all that matters right? Yes, a great fancy wedding and reception and food and flowers is all great and wonderful... but if our guests don't walk away knowing that we love each other and love them--it doesn't mean anything. 

So I'm challenging myself to love better. And making it known to all of you. 
Y'all are the best. 

1 comment:

Rachel said...

Made me cry. I love this post so much...I pretty much could've written the same thing--this has been on my mind lately, too! I love you, and you make it known to me that you love me back, and I'm so thankful for intentional friendships like that. It's safe to say that not many friendships can make it for 24 years, but I'm proud of ours. And even though I don't see you often and we don't talk as much as we should sometimes, you'll always be one of my favorite people in the world, one of the only people who really gets me and knows me. You'll always be one of my people. And I'm so thankful for that. I hope you know how special you are to me!