Wednesday, July 25

if you really knew me...

.. you would know that I'm terribly self-conscious, which makes it so ironic that I write my life for everyone to read.. but would make total sense to you if you could see the number of drafts that are unfinished in my posts list. 

.. you would know that sometimes I like to tell myself I'm allergic to peanut butter, because it smells bad, looks gross, and I probably wouldn't like it if I tried it. 

.. you would know that I talk to most of the animals that I encounter during the day. 

.. you would know that I love to be alone. 

.. you would know that I still haven't stopped looking at this ring on my left hand. 

.. you would know that I don't know my right from left. 

.. you would know that I still don't really know how to do my makeup, and just yesterday I considered going to the Clinque counter and asking them to teach me. 

.. you would know that I would have a bakery if I were ever to become a good baker. 

.. you would know that my closet is organized into cocktail dresses, church dresses, game-day dresses, shorts, pants, jeans, casual shirts, tanks, school shirts, sweaters, and coats.

.. you would also know that all my shoes are simply thrown in a pile in the floor underneath that organized ridiculousness. No, I don't get it either. 

.. you would know that I journal. Not every day. Not anything super important. But in those seasons in life that deserved to be journaled. Go Moleskin. 

.. you would know that I am the only person in America who still doesn't have an Iphone or Instagram. 

.. you would know that I am envious of those who have the confidence to wear red lipstick. 

.. you would know that sometimes I have trouble with eye-contact. And just realized this when I had to work with a client on maintaining eye-contact. Fail. 

.. you would know that I tan too often, and I've become aware of it in the past few years. 

.. you would know that rethink about 75% of the conversations I have during the day. 

.. you would know that I have trouble not purchasing things that are coral. No matter what it is. 

.. you would know that I would wear headbands every day if that was acceptable. 

.. you would know that I'm nervous about planning my wedding because of 'what a wedding should be' in my hometown. 

.. you would know that one of the very few times I feel comfortable talking in front of large groups is when I can talk about Jesus. And I think that's so awesome. 

.. you would know that I would eat sour candy for every single meal of the day if someone could promise me there would be no side effects. 

Wednesday, July 11

a child

I had one of those moments yesterday that made me, yet again, so grateful to be serving such a great God. 

Driving home from class after a near total collapse during the day, a caller on K-Love's afternoon show mentioned that she was so thankful to be a child of God. No further elaboration. No special emphasis. Nothing. But it hit me like a ton of bricks. 

A child. 
In His eyes, I am a child
I'm a child and it is okay if I mess up because that's what children do. 

They aren't perfect. They make mistakes. They drop the ball. They make B's. They forget things. They shatter their favorite glass mixing bowl. 

But they're children. 
Grown ups don't expect them to be perfect. Grown ups don't hold it against them. Grown ups may get frustrated and shake their head but deep down they knew it would happen. Grown ups don't hold grudges. Grown ups just swoop children up in their arms, forgive them, and continue loving them. 

That's what our God is. 

We don't disappoint Him every time we fall short and make a mistake. He isn't mad at us, because we are His children. He knows each and every morning that we will not love Him, others, or ourselves perfectly throughout the day. We just aren't capable of it. 

Because we are children. Making mistakes is expected of us, because we aren't made to be perfect. We are made to be forgiven. And it's going to be okay. 

The Bible doesn't call us His buddies, or His equals, or His 'adult friends' because that is not what we are. We are His children because that's the kind of love that we require. The love that you can only love a child with. The love that wipes away mistakes and disappointments. The love that says "It's alright, just let me give you a hug." The love that says "It's going to be okay, I will pick up the broken pieces." The love that says "It's okay that you don't know, because I'm here to teach you." The love that says "I still think you're great." 

And He simply wants our love in return. The love that children show to a stranger. The love that children show to someone who has hurt them. The love that children live out each and every day. The love with which children blindly love and trust their parents. 

That's all He is asking. 

Isn't that just the best thing you've ever heard?